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Resources for further study
Why Your Life is not a Journey--Alan Watts
Kimber: Welcome back to the Just Be Your Bad Self podcast, where you get to show up imperfectly, make space for your authentic self, remember your inner child, and sink into the magic of the present moment. I'm your host Kimber Dutton and today I'll be talking with the founder of Feather and Moon Sanctuary, .Nickole Viselli.
Nickole is an intuitive, an empath, a curious thinker and a deep feeler. She believes women have been living in a way that is incongruent with their spirit selves. Her desire is to help women heal and reestablish deep and meaningful connections with the natural world, one another, and most importantly, themselves- to their own inherent wisdom and intuition.
Today, I'm going to share with you our discussion on creating sanctuary for your soul.
Kimber: Well, Nickole, thank you for being on the podcast.
Nickole: Thank you for having me.
Kimber: I'm really excited to have you, so let's jump right in. Tell us about your background and this business that you are starting.
Nickole: Sure. So my background is mostly completely unrelated. I have worked as a registered nurse for the last 12 years and. Well, I guess I can't say completely unrelated because I feel like that is kind of what led to, or prompted me to consider starting a business to begin with. Right. So I earlier in the year had very much been in a space of total burnout in my professional life and my personal life.
And it was really just kind of sitting with, what is it that I need? And so. As I worked through those pieces and kind of identified what I was needing for myself, it kind of took form and shape and evolved into something that I wanted to not only create for myself, but then also share with others.
And so, , that's initially how the whole thing got started. In the very beginning stages, I was focused more so on small scale flower farming and beekeeping, and then offering my flowers and honey locally, at market. And then as I've moved through this class that I'm taking, it really became clear to me that it was, I still enjoy the flowers and the idea of beekeeping, but I realized it's less about that and more about this concept of sanctuary of working with in nature, in alignment with the seasons and the cycles of the earth. Really getting back in touch with, just everything natural in the world and the more beautiful and joyful experiences in this life. I've worked in ICU for the majority of my career. And so I have witnessed and worked with my fair share of deaths and illness and loss and grief.
And all of that is just as much a part of life as the opposite, but I'm ready to be in touch with the lighter, more joyful, more beautiful parts. So that has continued to morph and shift and evolve, into this whole idea of sanctuary and sisterhood and community and just all this really juicy stuff.
Kimber: That is really juicy stuff. So right now you're doing sanctuary boxes, right?
Nickole: I am. Yeah.
Nickole: So , that is the offering currently the sanctuary box, which is, like a subscription box or gift box that I've put together that includes different gifts and items To assist with this creation and this practice of sanctuary within oneself and within one space and environment. And then in the fall, I'm going to form and facilitate my first women's circles. So bringing people together, whether it be in person locally or online within my community, that I'm building, a space for women to come together at new moon and full moon.
And to just however that looks, you know, whether it's focusing on different lessons learned from nature, or just leaning into the support of one another sharing and supporting and bolstering. However that unfolds and unfurls that'll be my next offering.
Kimber: I love that. I got invited, last week to like a blue moon full moon women's party. My mom and my sister and I went.
The other four women, I didn't know as well. Um, So I was really excited to get invited to this. And we wrote down the things we wanted to let go of and burned them in a candle. And, did some really cool, just new moon rituals. I'd never experienced something like that before. And I felt this bond with these women that I'd never even met before.
It was a really centering cool experience. Is that the kind of thing you want to do with your, women's circles?
Nickole: Yes, exactly. And that's, that sounds like such an awesome experience. I'm glad that you were invited to that and yeah, it can be very profound. I have held my own individual new moon and full moon rituals and to someone who's just beginning into those kinds of things it can seem a little hokey at first maybe, or kind of like, well, really, what are you accomplishing?
Like, does it really do anything? But for me, and now I am very, much into all of the different elements and the balance of earth, air, fire, water, that really speaks to me at baseline. And so, that may be part of it, but there is, there's something so profound in. Putting our actual feelings and thoughts down, giving it back to the earth, whether you're burying it, burning it, putting it into the ocean, whatever it is, this whole idea of digesting and recycling and transforming transmuting, the energy of it all.
It, it really is. It's really interesting. And like you mentioned, I think that there's a space and an energy around it. That is part of all of us as particularly as women. I mean, I do think that it's present for all of us. We are all part of this, this earth and part of the circle of life, or however you want to refer to it.
But particularly as women, I think we are inherently very sensitive and attuned. We hold this wisdom inside of us, even if it's not something that we're readily in touch with because of the way we live in modern day life, but it is there. And so I think whenever you get together in a space like that, that energy is present.
And so though you may not know the women with whom you're gathering. I think everybody can feel that. You get deeper with people faster because they're like tuning into that vibe. And so I think it really has the potential to be very powerful, in the lives and hearts of the people that participate.
So that is what I'm aiming for. I am also open to the flow. Trying to lean into the process and recognize that I may not know exactly how things will look yet and just trying to let it evolve naturally. So that'll certainly be based upon the needs and wants of the women who are participating in my circles. But I would like to at least have that present in part of our gathering.
Kimber: So coming back to this idea of sanctuary and creating space for yourself. Obviously I think that's important, but I want to speak to why is that important for people? And is it more important for women or people who are caregiving or is it just something that women and caregivers tend to overlook because they're more focused on others.
Why is creating space and sanctuary important?
Nickole: Well, I think it's something that's important for everyone. I do agree with you that for caregivers and women in general, it maybe is even more so, but my experience of it or my, my perception of it is and it's congruent with all of the things that we learn or read about mindfulness and awareness and intention, et cetera.
The way that we are feeling and our energy, the way that we are showing up for and participating in our lives on a minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day basis, right? It can seem mundane and it can see. Somewhat insignificant in the grander scale of things or scheme of things, but all of those combined create the sum of our experience in this life.
And so I feel like creating sanctuary , being aware of how you're feeling presently within each moment, tending to yourself in those moments. I think that we sometimes have, at least I have had the tendency to think of self-care and self-love and tending to oneself on a larger scale.
It has to be this grandiose thing, right? I have to have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to read my book or write in my journal, or I have to have a yoga practice that I'm working in the flow at least three times a week, or, , blankety blank, blank, blank. We have this idea in our mind of it has to be something big and it has to be something grand and it has to be something super consistent.
And I disagree with that. I think that it can sometimes be very simple things that we are incorporating into the, the daily life that we live, because let's face it, especially as mothers and, , busy women. We don't always have the time to allocate to ourselves. And so it's important because when we don't do that, It is negatively impacting us. I feel that we then are living out of balance. We in and of ourselves are no longer living within and loving from a space of wholeness and centeredness and groundedness and evenness. And so not only does that negative impact. Our experience and our mental health and our emotional regulation and all of these other things, it then secondarily impacts the way that we show up and function within our role as mother or spouse or friend or employee or whatever.
And so. Each of us taking responsibility for that taking care of ourselves and meeting our own needs, creating our sanctuaries doing what we need to do to tend to ourselves in a loving way so that we can becoming giving from a more resource space, , has a positive impact in so many different areas.
And then that gives permission to other people to do the same and then so on and on and on. And it goes right, like a ripple or butterfly effect. And so there's a lot of
Kimber: I was thinking about this idea today that sometimes all the time, there's this pressure to, , go find your thing, go make this money, go get this big house and, go get this, go get this, go get this Right when true happiness is not something that we can find outside of ourselves. If we want to find that feeling of living our lives and being grounded and finding that joy, I feel like it has to be a coming home, not to go out and find, but aligning with yourself and taking space for yourself instead of just filling your schedule and filling your home with more stuff.
And we live in this. Consumer driven society that teaches us , okay, if you want to be happy, you got to get this next thing. Oh, you have that next thing. Now you got to get this next thing. And so we're on this endless, chase trying to accomplish these things. Cause what we all want is to feel loved.
We want to feel happy. We want to feel fulfilled, but we're looking for it in all the wrong places and we're spending our money and where we're wasting our lives really
Nickole: We're spending our lives. We're spending our lives on it. Yes.
Kimber: There's a video by Alan Watts. About dancing the dance. , he talks about this idea that we're discussing now, which is we're, we're taught , okay, it's time for kindergarten.
And the point of kindergarten is to pass it so that you can get to first grade and then on and on it, then you graduate college and it's about getting the job. And then it's about getting the retirement and it's always about the next thing. And then one day we wake up and we realize oh, , I'm there. I got the thing and
Kimber: I still feel like I should be chasing after something.
And he compares life to a piece of music and he says, if music were about getting to the end, then conductors would get up and just play the last core ta-da here it is. But the point of the music. Is the music. It's the getting there. The point of the dance is the dance. It's not to get somewhere it's to experience this thing.
And I, I think we live in a culture and a society that doesn't remember that, that, oh, wait, life is now life. Isn't 10 years away. When I, , get my dream job and my dream house and whatever, I'm a millionaire, , whatever your dream is. It's now it's important to find ways to be here. Now, and that's what I love about the idea of these sanctuary boxes and your women's circles that you're creating this space to live in the moment and to experience life now.
Nickole: . And that's really what it's all about, right? Less about the idea of this concept of once, right? Once I get the job, once I get the house ,once I'm married, once I'm partnered, once I have my family, , then, and more about , be here now. It's happening every day. So that is very much the focus of all this for me is, , getting back in touch with ourselves, getting back in touch with our bodies engaging our senses.
Nickole: It has been in my own personal experience. That that is the quickest way for me to tune in and come back is through my senses. Experiencing things with all of my senses, rather than living in my mind, or even just getting back in touch with yourself. , it sounds so simplistic and so rudimentary, but it's so true, right?
Something as simple. Am I, am I thirsty drink water? , am I hungry? Am I tired? And my overstimulated, , these are questions that I feel like we've gotten to a point that , we don't ask ourselves or we're aware we have an awareness around it, but we push past it. Right. And so, just coming back, coming home, slowing down.
Getting back in the body, getting back in touch with the seasons and nature and everything that is around us all the time and coming to the present moment rather than, , living three steps.
Kimber: I, I can't remember where I heard this, but there's this old, Buddhist story that there was a a monk that asked his teacher what is enlightenment? And the older monk replied when you're hungry eat when you're tired sleep. And that's the whole story. And, I've thought about that a lot.
We were racing after this, K one day. I have my life totally figured out and everything's going to be in place. And I love this story that no enlightenment is when you're hungry eat, when you're tired, sleep, paying attention to, to now it's, it's not this big grand thing. It's really in the simple moments that the most profound things are.
Nickole: . And honoring it to. , that's been a big part of the process also is, you want to be receiving these messages, but are you actually doing anything with them? for me, my red flags are, if I, if I'm behaving or speaking or feeling in a way that communicates, , I can't handle this, this is too much.
I am so tired. Those are my red flags, you're, you're in too far, you're past your limit and. In today's society and today's culture, especially for women and caregivers and mothers. And I mean, really everybody, but we have a tendency to think I need to do more.
I need to get stuff checked off my list. I have to get everything in order. I need to get a handle on this I'm feeling so overwhelmed. And so in order to get away from that feeling in order to, remedy that I have to do more to feel overwhelmed less, and It's been a game changer, learning that when I'm receiving those signals, whether it's emotionally, physically, whatever, that's my sign to stop.
I don't need to do more to, to dig out of the hole of overwhelm. I need to do less. I need to let myself rest. And then when you come back, you're you not? That's the whole point of it is to be more productive, but , when you honor your body and you honor what it is that your soul is needing you come back resourced you come back renewed, pushing past it. Isn't the answer. And so I'm hoping to give people permission to do that.
Kimber: There is a little quote I saw on Instagram that talks about we aren't machines. We'd like to treat ourselves, like, if we figure out that right formula, we can plug it in and , off we go and we'll just be consistently producing. Forever, but we're organic creatures and we're more like a garden where we need different things at different times.
And that's why I love that your What you're doing ties so much into rhythms and the seasons as a reminder, that this is the cycle of things. And even that you've worked in the ICU as a nurse, that's dealt with death, and now you're focusing on this more life-giving thing that everything has a time and a season.
And that finding that rest and taking a break has a time and a season. And it's not a time and a season that's condoned by our culture, especially in America, we are go, go, go, never take a break. Okay. We'll give you some PTO, but don't use it. It's always about getting ahead, getting ahead, getting ahead.
And we ignore everything that nature and everything around us tells us, which is. No there's cycles. There's cycles of life, cycles of death, the different seasons, the different moons, everything is telling us that there's these times of renewal and times of rest. And I love that what you're doing ties so much into that.
Nickole: And it's true. I mean, there's a time to go and do, and there's a time to stay and be still there's a time for growth. And then there's a time for shedding and allowing things to fall away. There's a time to. To be more expansive and outward and social. And then there's also a time where we need to turn inward and be more contemplative, , and all of these things, , help us achieve the balance that I think all, all of us, every part of us really yearns for.
And So, I think a lot of the dis-ease we see and feel, and feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied and that there's always something missing, , I think at least for me, that's, that's that balance. That's what we're, we're yearning for. We're striving after, even though it may be beneath our awareness.
I think that is what we're always really wanting is the equilibrium of living within that balance, living within the harmony , and having an ebb and a flow. And allowing it to go the way that it is meant to go instead of forcing ourselves to be on a linear path.
Kimber: So, do you have some suggestions or examples of how people can incorporate this idea of seasons and cycles and be at peace with them and find sanctuary in their daily living.
Nickole: I mean, I think that it is very individualized. , I don't know that there's always a one size fits all thing, but I think really the biggest piece in discovering what that looks like for you is just the awareness of it. Right? Having time that you give to thinking about these things. Like we mentioned earlier, checking in, , coming back into the body, whether it's through exercise or yoga or breath work or whatever you need to do to feel like you are in your body, so that you can check in what is it that I'm needing?
, what is it that I'm needing in this moment? What is it that I'm needing today? What is it that I'm needing this week? Whatever. And I think that as you continue to do that, as you continue to. Be more mindful and present and aware for yourself. You're naturally lead into whatever direction you need to go.
Once you start tuning in and listening and trusting your own inherent ability to know, and seek and find and provide the things that you yourself need. You will find your way. It's about creating the space. If you create the space, then it will automatically have somewhere to go.
It'll have somewhere to bubble up. You'll start to get the messages from yourself, or you'll start to identify what it is that you're needing. But if we don't create this space, we're not opening that line of communication. And then obviously meeting our physical needs. Like we said, drinking, when you're thirsty eating, when you're hungry, resting, when you're tired, it seems so simple.
But again, when you're meeting those needs, you're opening up the capacity for other things to come in for you. And then I really enjoy the different elements and the different seasons. And so a big thing that I do, and it may not work for everyone, but I love to incorporate that stuff into my space.
I always have fresh flowers or even in the fall, I bring things from outside inside, and I have them on my table or my nightstand or my shelves, or just little things placed all throughout my home that serve as a visual reminder of what's happening right now, springtime summer, fall, winter, what are those themes and what do they mean for me?
What is happening within my energetic and emotional body that are consistent with the upcoming fall season? , how am I feeling or , incorporating the different elements. And , I think that that's something that you're naturally led to when you are checking in with yourself, but something as simple as taking a bath for me can , sometimes that can change my whole vibe,
sometimes I am too fiery and I just, I have all this heat and I have all of this energy and submersion in water, something as simple as a 20 minute bath or a quick swim and, , exposing myself to that balancing element can just, really balance it out.
Kimber: I love that. . Man, I had so many thoughts as you were talking, but this idea of creating space to listen to yourself. And we've touched on this a little bit, but I'm curious if you agree with me that ways to create space for yourself might include saying no to something. That you've put in your schedule just because we base so much of our ego on this idea of busy-ness and to be able to let that go creating space in your schedule, creating space in your mind, meditation, or even just sitting and watching a candle can be a really good way to just see what comes up.
Nickole: And creating space in your home. , that's another big one for me. I'm a very sensual being , I can be overstimulated easily, whether it's noise or smells, or as a mom, I get so touched out , I need little spaces in my home so that when I'm getting to that point and I'm feeling that way, I can say, okay, I need a mamma break.
I'm going to go up into my room. , I love to burn candles and burn incense and have a white noise maker or a soft blanket, or whatever it is that will stimulate my senses in a way that is soothing. And then just go to my literal physical, safe space and decompress.
Carving those things out for yourself, whether it is like you said, mentally or logistically or physically within your home, ends up creating more opportunity for you to develop that relationship and develop that practice with yourself.
Kimber: Totally onboard. So if people want to find out more about you or your sanctuary boxes, And your women's circles, what's the best way for them to find you?
Nickole: So I'm very excited. I'm planning actually on launching tomorrow. And so my website will be www.feather-and-moon.com. And then currently my Instagram handle is the heart soul sanctuary that I've been using, but I'll be soon switching that over as well. So everything is consistent across the board,
Kimber: . If you could give our listeners one message, one thing that you want them to take away from what we've discussed today, what would it be?
Nickole: I think the biggest thing I would say is that each and every one of us inherently, just by our very existence is worthy. You are worthy of your own time. You are worthy of creating sanctuary for yourself. You are worthy of having your needs met by yourself and by others, you are worthy of living in a way that is congruent and in alignment with what it is that you truly want for yourself.
You deserve to have that experience. You are enough, you are enough and you are worthy.
Kimber: Thanks for joining me today. If you want to interact with me and get more nurturing around living an authentic life, you can follow me on Instagram or Facebook @justbeyourbadself. Your invitation this week? Find a way to create sanctuary for yourself. Create the space to listen to your needs, and then find ways to meet those needs.
Maybe instead of a "what do I need to do" list? You can make a, "what do I need today" list? Maybe you need to take a technology break, eat a healthy breakfast, or connect with a friend. Maybe you need to create a physical sanctuary for yourself where you can feel safe. Even if that space is just in your closet, whatever you do, I'd love to hear about it. If you enjoyed this podcast and want to leave a review, subscribe to the podcast or share it, you have my heart. That's it from me. Now, just be your bad self.
Life Coach and Creator of The Sanctuary Box
Nickole is an intuitive, an empath, a curious thinker and a deep feeler. She believes women have been living in a way that is incongruent with their Spirit-selves. Her desire is to help women heal and reestablish deep and meaningful connections with the natrual world, one another and, most importantly, themselves; to their own inherent wisdom and intuition. You can find her and her writings on Instagram @feather.and.moon.sanctuary
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