Kimber talks about the thread that connects all of the podcast episodes together and why it is so important.
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As I Began to Love Myself Poem
[00:00:00] Welcome back to the, just be your bad self podcast, where you get to show up imperfectly, make space for your authentic self. Remember your inner child and show up for the world by showing up for yourself. I'm your host, Kimber Dutton. And today I'm welcoming you into season two.
[00:00:17] So welcome to season two.
[00:00:19] I'm so excited to be back and I'm so excited to finally be able to share the incredible interviews that I've recorded in the past couple of months. . Before I start releasing these episodes. I wanted to use this first episode of the season to explore a little bit more of what this podcast is about. I had a friend recently whose opinion I really respect compliment me on my podcast.
[00:00:41] And I reached out for some feedback. He replied, if I have any feedback, it would be that I'm not sure what the through-line is of all the episodes. How is showing up to confront an abuser similar to boudoir photography? He went on to say that he wasn't sure if it needed a perfect connection and that the content was good, et cetera.
[00:01:00] But. To me, they are connected. And in this episode, I hope I can explain the through line of this podcast. So that in this season, when I jumped from an episode with a burlesque dancer, to an episode with a homeschool guru or from an episode with a gay Reiki master to an episode with a business woman who has bipolar disorder, you'll understand the thread that binds these stories together.
[00:01:22] When I'm asked what my podcast is about. The answer I've given most people is it's about living authentically and letting go of perfectionism about showing up for the world, by showing up for yourself, you know, all that good stuff that I squeezed into the intro, but that doesn't quite explain the connecting thread.
[00:01:40] It is about all of that stuff. But if I had to boil it down to one thing, one thing that every single episode of my podcast. Has in common, what is it? It's this it's love. I'm aware that saying my podcast is about love may come across as trite and vapid,. I remember as a kid hearing songs like the Beatles love is all you need or Jackie to Shannon's what the world's needs now is love.
[00:02:08] Sweet love and thinking. Well, that's stupid. What about food and water and shelter? Love isn't all we need, but the older I get. The simpler. The answer seems to be, to me, of course, it's love that we need this last week. I've watched both the, the Encanto and Steven Spielberg's West Side Story, both beautiful films.
[00:02:32] If you haven't seen them, I highly recommend them. The first one Encanto is about a family who's falling apart because they're afraid to be seen as anything less than perfect and West Side Story as a story of what happens when we let pride and ego and a hatred for all things different than us take precedence in our, in our decision-making and in our lives, both of these movies, I feel teach us that love is the answer.
[00:03:00] So even though I may tell people that this podcast is about authenticity and letting go of perfection, et cetera, et cetera. And it is about all of those things. What it really boils down to is love that we're worthy of love, even if we're not perfect. I think, I think sometimes we think well, I'll be worthy of love when I, when I never yell at my kids or when I conform to society's expectations of me or when I lose 20 pounds or when I make six figures a year or whatever.
[00:03:33] This ties back to my very first episode about this feeling of never enough. What is it that we feel like we're never enough for? We feel like we're never enough to be worthy of love, and I'm on my own journey of figuring this out, but I also am hoping to help other people come to the conclusion or learn that we are where the F love, where we're the of love
[00:03:56] when we make mistakes or worthy of love when we choose things that are aligned to who we are, even if that's not what everybody else wants from us. We're worthy of love. When we set boundaries, we are worthy of love. If we have health problems were worthy of love. If we like to eat yummy food. And I think it's important to remember that it's not in our control, whether or not people love us.
[00:04:20] It's not in our control and we've been taught that we're not worthy of love or that we won't receive love when we make certain choices that don't please other people, but that has nothing to do with us, whether or not they love us, has everything to do with them and their ability to love, not with our ability or.
[00:04:42] Her worthiness, even. I know I use that word a lot. But it's not really a matter of worthiness. It's just a matter of being. And love isn't something we should have to earn, it should just be given freely. I think that true love has to start with love of self, which is why that's what most of my episodes have focused on so far.
[00:05:01] There's a poem that illustrates the power of self love, beautifully that I want to share here. It's a poem that I've had taped up in my bathroom to read for years now. And it's often attributed to Charlie Chaplin, but it actually comes from a book written by Kim and Alison Macmillan. It's titled "As I Began to Love Myself", it reads as I began to love myself, I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today. I know this is authenticity. As I began to love myself, I understood how much it can offend somebody.
[00:05:35] If I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right, and the person was not ready for it. And even though this person was me today, I call this respect. As I began to love myself, I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow today.
[00:05:55] I call this maturity as I began to love myself. I understood that at any circumstance I am in the right place at the right time. And everything happens at exactly the right moment. So I could be calm today. I call this self-confidence. As I began to love myself. I quit stealing my own time and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
[00:06:16] Today. I only do what brings me joy and happiness things I love to do, and that makes my heart cheer. And I do them in my own way. And in my own rhythm today, I call this simplicity. As I began to love myself. I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health, food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself.
[00:06:39] At first, I called this attitude a healthy egoism today. I know it is love of oneself. As I began to love myself, I quit trying to always be right. And ever since I was wrong, less of the time today, I discovered that this is modest. As I began to love myself. I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future.
[00:07:00] Now I only live for the moment where everything is happening today. I live each day, day by day, and I call it fulfillment. As I began to love myself, I recognize that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick, but as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today. I call this connection wisdom of the heart.
[00:07:22] We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations, or any kind of problems with ourselves or others, even stars, collide and out of their crashing, new worlds are born today. I know this is life
[00:07:36] and that's the end of the poem. So many beautiful things can come out of an ego-less love of oneself. And that is definitely one of the main themes of my podcast. The boudoir war episode teaches us to love our bodies. Even when society tells us our bodies. Aren't perfect. The episode where Jasmine stands up to her abuser teaches us to love ourselves and stand up for our inner child.
[00:07:57] Even when we feel abandoned or even hated by our own families. But I hope that by allowing other space on my podcast to share their stories and by sharing my own story, that not only do we learn to love ourselves in our imperfection, but that we learn to love others, even when they make different life choices than we would.
[00:08:15] That is why, despite all the advice I get to narrow down and find a niche for my podcast, I haven't proclaimed that this is a podcast for any particular group of people. I have interviewed people that have a variety of gender identities, sexual orientations, ethnic backgrounds, belief, systems, and professions.
[00:08:33] There's a quote from the forward of Paolo Coelho's book. The Alchemist that I think is appropriate to share here. He says
[00:08:41] the story of one person is the story of everyone. And one man's quest is the quest of all humanity. When I read about clashes around the world, political clashes, economic clashes, cultural clashes, I'm reminded that it is within our power to build a bridge, to be crossed. Even if my neighbor doesn't understand my religion or understand my politics, he can understand my story.
[00:09:05] If he can understand my story, then he's never too far from me. It is always within my power to build a bridge. There was always a chance for reconciliation, a chance that one day he and I will sit around a table together and put an end to our history of clashes. And on this day he will tell me his story and I will tell him mine.
[00:09:25] I want to build bridges with this podcast. I want to create understanding. I want to spark thoughts and discussions. I want people to examine their own beliefs and how they align with themselves. I want people to examine the way they think about others. And most of all, I want everyone to recognize that our story is everyone's story, that ultimately we want the same things we want to be seen, and we want to be heard.
[00:09:52] We want to love, and we want to be loved. I want this podcast to provide a safe space. Both for my guests who come on and get so vulnerable as they share about themselves. And as a safe space for you, the listener to examine your beliefs a little bit, examine your thought processes, break free of some of the lessons that we've learned from our society, our cultures, even our families.
[00:10:19] I believe we're getting more emotionally healthy. On this planet as a whole, and it is time to let some of these old patterns of feeling like we need to earn love and earn worthiness. It's time to let these beliefs go and step into a new way of thinking where people don't need to earn love for just are loved.
[00:10:41] I think that so many world problems could be solved if we could stop shaming each other and judging each other and loving in such a conditional way. And some of you might be thinking, well, what about criminals? What about pedophiles? What about rapists? Are they worthy of love? And. The simple answer is yes.
[00:11:01] It doesn't mean we have to love everything that everybody does and agree that they've made good decisions or decisions that we would make. It doesn't even mean that no one should have consequences to their actions, but. We need to find ways to love and understand each other, whether or not we're able to love.
[00:11:21] Someone says a lot more about us and who we are than about them and who they are. And you can always find something about someone to love, because at our core, we're all human. That's the thread that combines all of us. We're all human. I think a lot about the question. If you were in somebody else's shoes, would you do the same thing?
[00:11:44] Kimber: You hear people say, well, if I were you, if I were you, this is what I would do. And the truth is no, you wouldn't. If you were then. You would
[00:11:52] Kimber: whatever they do, because you're them, you, if you were literally somebody else you would have had the same experiences you would have had the same brains, the same thought processes, the same influences, the same circumstances.
[00:12:05] So if you really were somebody else, of course, you would take the same choices because you're not you with your experience and knowledge acting as them, you are them. So I just really feel strongly that we, it's not our job to judge. All we can do is love and try to understand. We, we will not make positive progress by judging and shaming and withdrawing love from people.
[00:12:29] The only way we can truly make progress is by loving and trying to understand there, there are problems in this world. There are crimes in this world, people to some really horrible. Things, and I'm not trying to excuse the bad things that happen. What I'm trying to say is if we want to fix those things that has to come from a place of listening and understanding and loving the human part of the people behind those things.
[00:13:00] And that's the only way, that's the only way forward on that note. No pun intended. I want to share it. One of my favorite ballads with. I can't just talk about songs that sing about love and not include one in the podcast. So I'm going to share one of my favorites. It's written by Eden ABIs and was first performed by Nat king Cole.
[00:13:22] You may recognize this. If any of you out there are move on Rouge. Yes. My personal favorite version of this song is the one by the real group. But because I didn't want to run into any copyright issues by including someone else's recording on this podcast, you just get to hear me sing it acapella, but I highly recommend you go listen to like a professional recording after, cause it really is a beaut beautiful song.
[00:13:44] It's called nature boy. So after this go look up nature boy, by their real group. It's beautiful. Whew. All right, here it is. There was a. Uh, ferris strange and chatted. They say he wandered
[00:14:10] and see. Uh, Shy and sad, but was he and that one day, one magic day past my way. And while we spark up.
[00:14:39] Uh, To me, the gray. See you
[00:14:51] is just uh,
[00:15:03] Like I said, go listen to like a professional recording of that instead of just my acapella one, but. That's what my podcast is about. It's a journey of learning to love and be loved in return.
[00:15:19] And I'm really happy to be on this journey with you.
[00:15:25] Thanks for joining me today
[00:15:26] New episodes will be released every Monday morning at 6:00 AM for the remainder of the season with an occasional bonus episode thrown in. Whenever I feel like it. To get more nurturing around living an authentic life, you can follow me on instagram @justbeyourbadself orsubscribe to my weekly newsletter at justbeyourbadself.com. We still have some tickets for the just beer bet, self women's retreat, both full retreat passes and day passes. So if you identify as a woman or non-binary, or if you are looking to give a fabulous gift to someone who is a woman or non-binary, you can get more info or purchase email@example.com.
[00:16:08] Just make sure you snag those before the 13th of January, when ticket sales will be closing your invitation this week. Seek to understand rather than to be understood when you feel that ego monster rising up to defend your honor, try to calm it down and find a place of love and understanding for the other person you're interacting with.
[00:16:30] This will most likely take some practice, but just try it and see what happens. You might be surprised. I'm looking forward to sharing another fabulous season with all of you. If you enjoyed this podcast and want to leave a review, subscribe to the podcast or share it, you have my heart. That's it from me
[00:16:50] now just be your bad self.
Here are some great episodes to start with!