Embrace Your Own Uniqueness | Kamini Wood | Episode 38

Embrace Your Own Uniqueness | Kamini Wood | Episode 38

Join Kimber as she talks  with Kamini Wood–creator of AuthenticMe® and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, a coaching company helping individuals shake free of their limiting beliefs and behaviors in order to have healthy relationships and move forward on the professional path they choose.  


They have an engaging conversation about:

  1. Kamini’s own journey as a recovering people-pleaser and perfectionist
  2. How to chase your own dreams when you are right in the middle of parenthood
  3. Internalizing Self-love
  4. Stepping into our authenticity in a way that feels good and whole and enough

Follow Kimber on instagram @justbeyourbadself  or join the JBYBS facebook community here for more interaction!


For guest bios, episode transcripts or to leave a review, please visit: www.justbeyourbadself.com

Transcript

Kamini Wood

Today, I'll be talking with Kamini wood. A certified professional coach who helps people that feel stagnant, trapped, Or stuck on autopilot break, free of limited thinking and hiding from fear of failure. so they can have what they want professionally and personally.

Kamini herself has gone from a people pleasing perfectionist into someone who recognizes her worth and sees that by embracing it, she can create room for others to do the same.

Kimber: Kamini. I am so excited to have you on this podcast today. I've I've read about what you do and what you're passionate about, and I feel like we're gonna have a really good conversation because we're all in line about what we wanna tell people in our message.

So can you give my audience a brief introduction of who you are and what you do? And then we'll jump into this conversation.

Kamini: Yes, of course. And I'm excited to be here with you too. And I try, I will try to be brief. So who I am personally, first and foremost, I am the mother to five. Individuals they range in age from almost 21 down to almost nine. My oldest is actually a professional ballerina. My second oldest is about to head off, to play division one lacrosse in Connecticut.

So that's all exciting. But professionally I am a. Certified coach that works with individuals one on one helping them understand what limiting beliefs might be holding them back either professionally or personally or both. Because what I found through my own transformation and my own experiences, as well as training is that most often we don't realize.

What false beliefs we've accumulated over the course of our lifetime, which end up holding us back into living into exactly who we want to be. And what's actually possible for ourselves

Kimber: Yeah, I that's. So that's exciting

Kamini: was that.

Kimber: we, yeah, that was awesome. I'm like, oh, you're done. Let's let's talk about, I wanna hear a little bit more of your story. Like how, why are you passionate about this and how did you grow up and tell, tell us about that.

Kamini: Well, so I grew up I'm the daughter of two immigrant parents. My mom came to the states when she was in her teens, about 13, 14. My dad came and he was about 20. And so I grew up in a small town in Connecticut. So my parents are, you know, like I said, they immigrant parents, so mentality of working hard work, you know, you have to work for, you know success.

And part of my upbringing was being, you know, a little Indian girl and a predominantly white town. So growing up with the name like Kamini growing up with darker skin there was a lot of. Underlying messages of, you know, just how different I was and this idea that somehow I you know, we're relational beings as humans.

So we, there was need to, to belong. And so very early on I really took on the identity of wanting to people, please, and to make sure that I didn't cause problems. You know, on many fronts, one, I wanted to be the good girl for my parents, cause I didn't wanna be a burden for them. And then on the social perspective I wanted to fit in.

So if I could just ensure that people were happy with who I was and how I was showing up and I was proving my worthiness, then I would belong there too. So it was kind of across the board. And of course at that age, I didn't know that's what was happening. But that's where my people pleasing perfectionist behavior began if I were to really, and, and I've done a lot of unpacking with it and that's kind of the origins of it.

And I took that throughout my entire, you know, experience growing up and into adulthood. You fast forward into becoming a mom. And then I was running my husband's law firm at the time. You know, running a business and wanting to, to see that.

Flourish. What ended up happening was my middle daughter started to really show those people pleasing behaviors and really being overly concerned with making sure that everyone around her was okay.

Not just family, but friends too. And I realized in, I say that my kids have been. You know, by catalyst for lots of things. But that was the moment where I realized, wow, she's getting that from me. I'm over functioning in many different aspects of my world. And I have my ID, my roles have become my identity.

And so I went through my own self transformation. That's why I say my work is really rooted, not just in training, but in really doing the work myself and recognizing. We all have these elements or many of us have different of different forms of different things. And if we do that self work, we can grow into these other aspects.

Anyway, I get, I get long winded, but the truth is I went through my own self transformation through that process and realized actually, What I had been holding onto was the false belief that my worthiness came from doing for others and making sure that they were okay and that they were happy with me.

And when I was able to really understand that I could then move into, well, actually my worthiness is from my own being and my own essence. And also by the way, My calling is to help others see that. And so it was a process of stepping outside of just also the caretaking of running my husband's law practice and saying, you know, I, I really am being called to do this and not just for myself, I wanna run my own business, but also I'm being called to support others on their journey.

And really stepping into that. And so, yes, not just having my experience, but then going through formal training, learning different modalities of working with people and really standing now in this place of recognizing that, you know, my purpose is to stand with my clients really hold that space for them while they're still maybe not believing in that for themselves, I can believe.

Kind of with them and for them until they can really step into that space to own it for themselves and really helping them move forward. Like I said, professionally and personally, because these things can hold us back when we're maybe in the corporate world and we're kind of find ourselves plateaued a lot of times it's because there's like almost this fear of success or this, this fear of, you know, I, I'm not, there's something that I'm, I'm maybe not good.

And so we don't move forward or personally, we will find ourselves in maybe unhealthy relationships and just staying there. Why? Because we think, well, that's as good as it gets or that's what I deserve, or I'm not worthy of something more than that. So it, it happens in all different aspects. And so that's truly how I ended up where I am today is, you know, yes.

Living and experiencing things and then saying, you know what, this actually. Was maybe part of my journey that I was meant to go on in order to pay it forward, to help others.

Kimber: So, this is so fascinating to me because we come from different backgrounds and yet such similar stories. I'm obviously, you know, Caucasian blonde that way. I, I fit into this majority in, in this country. I was raised in the Mormon church in a very high demand, religion. Developed some of these same people pleasing, you know, we're supposed to make everybody else happy.

Anything that made you stand out as an individual was something that needed to be pushed down so that you could fit into the majority. And also similarly to you I, I ended up leaving my religion, but similarly to you, I, I watched my own daughters. I have I have a stepson and then I have a six year old and a three year old.

And when I had my first daughter, I remember just thinking. I, I don't wanna push these parts of her down. She was not an easy, she's getting much sweeter, the older she gets, but, but as a two year old, three old, even as a baby, she's my child is like a fierce, she's just such a fierce girl. And as a mom, part of you is like, oh, this would be so much easier if I could just teach you to always be obedient and nice.

And but then this other part of me that had had. That had been suppressed was like, no, I'm not going to do that to my daughter. And I, I also agree, I, I read on your biography that you talk about like everybody, it's your, it's your responsibility to make yourself happy, not to make everybody else happy.

And I totally agree with that, but this is what I wanna talk about as a mother. How do you battle these two things? Because there is also this culture that as a mom, you're here to take care of your kids. This is I'm right in the middle of this for myself. How do I, how do I chase my own dreams and, you know, become my own person and still be a mother?

Like what have you run into around that?

Kamini: Yeah.

that's a great question. And I honestly have had that internal battle too, because you know, we're, we're given these, these individuals, these babies, they they're, you know, they're suddenly in our arms and we're totally responsible for their wellbeing and their care. And in that comes, I have to make them happy.

I've gotta ensure that they're happy. And the truth is, first of all, they're not ours. Right. We get the privilege of. Helping to raise these humans. But truthfully, what we're really trying to do is raise them to be their own person. So in context of that, it's recognizing. We can contribute to their happiness, but if we keep in the back of our minds that ultimately they need to create their own happiness, that's that line, right?

That's that distinction. And that's really the one, especially as moms, that if we can just allow ourselves to recognize that look, Yes. we are contributing to their happiness, but ultimately what we're doing by contributing and allowing them to be their own person, they are going to develop their own ability to create their own happiness.

Kimber: Yes.

Kamini: So case in point, like even my oldest, you know, she did not take the traditional route. She did not go, you know, elementary, middle, high school college. It was, I wanna be a dancer and we were up against it, you know, with society, like, what do you mean you're not going to college? And the truth is she needs to create her own happiness.

And right now that is what brings her joy and fulfillment. And so it's about giving her the space to do that. And because what would make me happy? Isn't going to be. Necessarily brings her joy and fulfillment. It's about her creating that for herself. And so by allowing ourselves to be our own person and allowing ourselves to create our own joy and our own fulfillment, we are actually, first of all, demonstrating to our kids.

Hey, you do get to be in charge of yourself. You do have the autonomy to create your own. Your own fulfillment and also we're filling ourselves up so that we can show up for them in that supportive role to contribute to their happiness and allow them that almost like that that net or that cushion to say here I'm here contributing to your happiness.

And now please go, go on and become your own person to create your own fulfillment.

Kimber: And what a gift like that's not, that is not at all the traditional model. Right? We are taught. I feel like in our culture that parents know best they and it's, and it's we take it on ourselves. Like one thing that I've started telling myself is. You're as far as my kids go, your happiness is important to me, but it's not my responsibility.

And, and that might sound like a as a kid. If, if I have a whiny kid that feels like it's my job to do something for them in that way, they might feel deprived that I'm not taking responsibility to just make them happy all the time. But hearing your, you talk about your daughter wanting to be a dancer and trusting her that it's her responsibility to make that happen for yourself.

That is an Absolut. Gift. And then she also, you know, it doesn't build that resentment between parent and child, or at least not in the same way that most of us have experienced it where we didn't feel like we had the freedom to make our own choices.

Kamini: Right. Right. You know, and to that point, I mean, I am granted with five kids. I've had my dialogues with different parents and I've heard parents say, like, I've told my kid, like they're gonna do this and this and this and this, which is totally fine. Look, I am not my place to judge at all at all. I just know for me, what I have learned is the more we tell them what they're supposed to do, the less they learn that they have the autonomy to create that for themselves.

And truth be told. When you, when you lose sight of the fact that that's within your control, like that, being able to be in charge of the decisions that you make, that create that fulfillment, you know, we're almost robbing them of like saying, well, I know best for you, but they're not. First of all, they're not, again.

I go back to children are not ours. They're their own human. We are, have the privilege to get, to raise them and interact with them. But secondly, We're almost robbing them of the ability to figure out what truly brings them, that joy and that fulfillment. And, you know, and it's funny, you mentioned you know, kids, they won't be happy with us at all times, but happiness is also an emotional state, just like sadness.

And that's why I, I challenge myself to step into this place of joy or fulfillment because those are actual states of being versus just the. Emotional you know, emotions that come and go, they rise and cry

Kimber: they're fleeting. Yeah. Yeah.

Kamini: Exactly.

Kimber: I wanna jump into this idea of. Good enough, Deciding that we're good enough. And you know, this fits into the, the motherhood narrative. It fits into the work. I mean, it fits into everything, right. We're up against a very capitalistic society who makes money off of telling us all the time you are not good enough.

Ever and anything, and there's always something more you can be doing. How do we step away from that? How do we really truly, cause in my opinion, affirmations, don't cut it. there's too much other messaging that we're getting thrown at us. That me just telling myself in the morning I'm good enough. It, it it's, there's it's doesn't match the wave of everything else coming.

How do we really internalize that? And. Step into our authenticity in a way that feels good and whole and enough.

Kamini: Such a great question. And I do think that's a, it's a constant evolutionary thing that we have to go through. I think we all are dealing with different. Like even when we think we've nailed it, it. Something that'll come back around. That'll challenge us. And you're absolutely right. I think we are hit with it routinely in our society.

I mean, every, I mean, every commercial's kind of out there telling you like, oh, well, got too many wrinkles. That's not good enough.

or what, And I get it. Like they're selling product. Totally get it, respect, respect the society that we're in, however its about. And it's funny, you made that comment about affirmations just as an aside.

I. Tend to agree that first of all, affirmations can be good if they're used in conjunction with this other part, which is recognizing that we all have parts, right? There's gonna be the inner critic that packs up and the inner critic, the one that says we're not good enough, it's about really getting compassionate and curious with it and saying to ourselves, okay, I'm, there's a part of me.

That is thinking right now that I'm not good enough. There's a part of me that is comparing myself to this woman or man I'm seeing on social media right now, naming it. What is happening for me right now? What's the feeling, bringing that to, up into the awareness because then we can start to slowly challenge it.

Okay. What's actually true. Well, what's true is I'm actually scrolling through Instagram and what I know to be true right now. I don't actually know if that's the real picture that was taken or what I know to be true is I'm doing the best I can with the, in, with what I've got in front of me right now.

Like I'm making the best choice for my child, especially when we get caught in comparison mode with other parents, I'm making the best choice for myself and my child right now. Given the information that I. And my experience is my own. I cannot measure my experience to somebody else's. So it's not just a quick affirmation.

It's really recognizing what's coming up like and naming. Okay. There's a part of me. That's really thinking I'm not good enough. Well, what's actually true. What's actually true. Is. This is, you know, I'm making the best choice I have or I'm showing up the best I can right now, or, you know what? I am really, really tired cuz I didn't sleep yesterday.

And so I'm going to do, you know, the one or two things that I can do today and you know what? That is good enough. So now we're shifting from, and I'm not good enough. We're trying to push that aside with a quick affirmation. That's like pendulum swing thinking and instead we're naming, what's coming.

Being compassionate with it. And also then saying giving space for a,

Kimber: And as you were talking, I just kept thinking, well, what is good enough? right. Is there ever a point where you think I'm good enough because when good enough I'm a perfectionist like you are right when you're a people pleasing perfectionist and good enough means. Perfect and perfect. Doesn't really exist then what a measurable existence, right.

You're never gonna feel good enough. And so maybe to even change the narrative I don't know what that would look like. Like, am I, am I whole, am I present maybe this good enough is a standard that we should stop trying to measure ourselves against.

Kamini: That. And also what you just said is, is right. It's. So insightful, cuz it's about changing the narrative. It's changing the template. The template was good. Enough means perfection. What is possible if we allow good enough to mean what I choose today, like where we actually shift the definition of good enough, you know, my good enough is gonna be different than your good enough.

And that's okay. Who says that they have to be exactly the. I, it's funny. I was actually just talking to somebody recently and, you know, I was saying how so often we try to be carbon copies of each other. Like somehow that's what we're meant to be. And it's really the fact that we are unique that makes the world so dynamic.

So what if we also shift that into, when we're saying good enough and allow. All of our definitions to be different from each other. And stop trying to get that validation from somebody else and be like, oh Yeah.

that's good enough. No, it's what feels right to me. What feels purposeful for me? Like over the Memorial day holiday, for instance, I didn't do a whole lot.

And the perfectionist in me is like, oh my gosh, you should have done a, B, C, and D. And instead it was, well, I ended up spending time with my kids And you know, what. That's actually exactly where I was supposed to be. Quote unquote. Good enough. so it's a, it's a, it's shifting the definition of what, how we're, how we're looking at it.

Kimber: And I think, I think the more open we can all be. And I think it's, I love this trend and I don't know if it's just cuz the people that I tend to curate on my social media feeds , which are all really authentic people. But the more I surround myself with people who are authentic and are not just posting, you know, the perfect.

Pictures of their vacations and whatever, the more I'm surrounding myself with people saying, you know, oh, I'm, I'm struggling with my mental health or, wow. I felt like I took a nap today or, you know, just being real people and, and also posting about that stuff. The less, I feel. Like I don't measure up because I do think we're wired to compare ourselves to each other.

that's a really hard thing to just shut off. I'm reading a book right now called raising critical thinkers by Julie Bogart. And with this critical thinking idea, she talks about how. We love. We love the familiar that that feels comfortable to us. And so if, and, and what doesn't feel familiar feels dangerous or wrong, and they've done scientific studies to show this.

And so what if, what you're familiar with is this unreachable standard that you're looking at on Facebook or Instagram, and the familiar is everybody's highlights. You're gonna feel like you're at a very bad, wrong place. So the more familiar and the more open we can all be with our, our humanness and our authenticity.

Yeah, I think the more comfortable we'll be with whoever it is we are and are good enoughs because that, that highlight reel is never, never reality. And we're comparing ourselves to something that doesn't really exist.

Kamini: Absolutely. I love the analogy of the highlight reel. I use it a lot with my clients, especially because you know, Raising the lacrosse player going through recruiting, you have to create highlight reels all the time, right? Like that's how he gets recruited or how he got recruited. And it's literally all the best shots and the best assist case he plays attack.

So he's either shooting on goal or attacking shooting on goal or assisting. And it was all the best looks and the best shots and, you know, nobody really. Knows about the, the fence in our backyard. That's completely beaten up with all of the MIS shots. You know, it's like we forget when we're looking at highlight reels that, that those things are just this snippet and there's all of the growth that happens to get to those places.

And so that's really important, especially with social media. It's like, well, We can be happy for the fact that these people are putting out their highlight reel. That's awesome. That's wonderful. And also there's a lot that's happening behind the scenes. Another metaphor that I use a lot is there's, you know, the curb appeal versus behind closed doors.

Like the curb appeal may look amazing. The flower beds are really nicely trimmed, but behind closed doors, we don't ever know what's going on. And so it's reminding ourselves. Our story is our own. And especially, I, you know, when we find ourselves in comparison mode, it's yes, that's, that's their story. And I'm in my story, I'm in my chapter, they're in their chapter and it's shifting that thought that they're the same exact thing, because it's really hard to compare two things that are not equal.

I've had so

Kimber: Right. Right. So what are some of your big, I've learned as a podcaster, as a teacher, as all these different roles? A lot of the times I'm learning more than the people that I'm teaching or working with. Can you think of any big ahas or learnings that you've had since becoming a coach?

Kamini: many ahas, honestly. I would say that one of the biggest ahas that I've had along the way is, and it's actually from a business perspective. So I'm gonna give you my business perspective. So a lot of, you know, the training and stuff that you go through, they're like, okay, so you come up with this like program and you're gonna send it out and you're gonna, you know, just you're going to be able to serve all these different people with the signature program that you have.

It's a beautiful concept. It is not what I do at all. I am very client centered in my coaching and the biggest aha and the, and, and it's not even an aha. It's really just an embracing of what I intuitively knew going into this was that. We are not exactly the same. So how can we come up with one program that's going to serve when we're life coaching that we're going to serve everybody? No.

no two people are going to assimilate the same information the same way. And so, and I, and I have this a lot with people who reach out. It's like, okay, so what's, what's your process. My process is I show up and I'm gonna respect you as the most, the most knowing person in this relationship. And from there, we're gonna understand what you're coming up against and we're gonna work through it and walk through it together.

And that's really my process in a nutshell. Why? Because every single one of us is different. And if we can just start recognizing that that's. The foundation is, well, first of all, the most important relationship we have is the one with ourself. But then the second part of that is it's ultimate respect for each one of us as individuals.

And so my aha really was recognizing that I had to step outside of the norm for the coaching industry, which is in 90 days, you're gonna get a, B and C, and this is my signature program to do that. And it's okay to do that. I can be authentically me and that's perfectly fine. And the authentic Kamini that you get.

Truly who I am as a person, which is I will look at every single person and respect them as their own individual being who knows exactly who they are and who they're meant to be. They might just need help kind of undoing the layers that have covered that up over the course of many years.

Kimber: I love that within this. Aha. You also gave yourself that same respect of this way, not working for you as a coach, right? because you're an individual person. And I think that is an important thing to recognize because especially when you get into this like entrepreneurial space, Everybody has, well, any space, honestly, not just any space everybody has this way that they say this will work, right.

Or this is what you need. And if it's not working for you, It can feel like something's wrong with you

Kamini: mm-hmm mm-hmm

Kimber: oh no, this isn't a good fit for me. I remember I, I talk about this briefly on a previous episode, but I remember as a teenager in high school, I was curer. I, I wasn't the flat chested, typical high schooler.

That, that was my same age. And I remember going shopping with my mom and. Thinking like what's wrong with me. Something is wrong with me. Something is wrong with my body because these clothes do not fit me. And I remember my mom telling me, there's, there's nothing wrong with you, that these clothes are, are just not the clothes for you.

Kamini: for you. Yep.

Kimber: And if we can recognize that another story comes to mind where. I had a, I had a friend, a, a couple of friends they're married. And I'm trying to think of how to tell you this story without getting too personal , but, but essentially they, they were in a religion and the husband never felt totally comfortable within this religion.

He just never felt like he, he matched up. And. And he, yeah, he always just felt less than, and that he wasn't good enough within this religion and had other thoughts and his wife also kind of thought like, what's wrong with you? Why can't you live up to these standards and blah, blah, blah, fast forward years later, they find some things out about the religion that get them to both leave.

And his wife wrote him a letter and that this is the part that's important. His wife wrote him a letter that. it crazy that the thing we thought was wrong with you ended up being our guiding light in this situation. Isn't that so beautiful. I've thought about that so much. So many times we think there's something wrong with us.

And if we can learn to trust that part of ourselves, that maybe could guide us to some place way better than us trying to fit in with everybody else.

Kamini: Totally. Totally. That's. So it's so amazing that you just told that story because, so going back to my family, like my origin story, right. Of how I needed to fit in just recently I had an experience where somebody commented, so my kids are mixed ethnicity. right. So and somebody commented regarding how my oldest son looks like my husband, despite his coloring.

And it really triggered me and I had to do my own work on it and to figure out like, what, what was, what was the big thing that happened there? And I realized it was, it had tr it had really brought back up those feelings of like, that was the thing that was wrong with me. And somewhat, it's not SIM it's not the same as your story, but to that point, it.

The fact that I was different was exactly what I needed to recognize and what I have come to realize about myself. That makes me so good at what I do now. Like that's exactly the right thing that I needed. And that experience has made me have so much more empathy and compassion. For the fact that it's not just people of color, like you were saying, like you're Caucasian and you have a very similar story.

It's not that it's not the color. It's the basis. That foundational piece that allows for that. So me going through that was exactly the right thing for me in order to be where I am today.

Kimber: And how beautiful to get that appreciation. And I, I think that's, that's probably be part of all of our lifelong journeys. Right. We spend so much of our time trying to change who we are trying to fit in thinking, you know, I'll love myself when I'll be good enough when instead of finding the ways to like, embrace who we already are and how that helps us.

Kamini: yep, yep. Yeah.

It's like, I'll be good enough when I do this, I'll be happy when this happens. I'll be. Content, when that it's always the all be this when this, and instead it's. And I say this to my clients all the time, which is when do you give yourself permission to recognize that your worthiness already exists because of your own essence?

Like the fact that you exist here today is your worthiness. It's not because you accomplished a, B and C or, you know, Got straight A's here or, you know, you got some prize here. Those aren't the things that made you worthy. It's not because you made your mom and dad happy or your kids happy, or that's not your, your worthiness is because you, you exist.

That's where worthiness. It's your, in your essence, it's in your, your own core values in your own core beliefs in your being. do we get to that?

Kimber: And it would be so nice if, if we could just get there, like, okay, I get the concept because I'm not there. Right.

Kamini: no, I mean, and I think that's, but I think that's part of the human, the human experience, right? Because like, I know that I still come up against it at times. Like I said, I just had that experience and I was triggered and I had to do my own work in that moment. It's like, okay, what's happening here. But I think That's what this whole process is about. is giving ourselves permission.

To slow it down And to go through that. And, and there'll be, there'll be different layers that we come up against and it's, that's part of being a human though. That's part of the growth experience is we're gonna continue to evolve and learn more and to come to different understandings of these things.

Kimber: thing that I read recently, that just absolutely. Blew my mind is I started reading the power of now by Eckhart Toley and he starts that book out by talking about our brains or our minds are supposed to be a tool to help us. And he talks about that, that Is it, I never know how to say it. The name it's spelled like Des cart, but I think it's French.

So it's

Kamini: Decar Decart Decart yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

Kimber: say it, but that's, he's the one that said, I think therefore I am right. And, and ACAR only says this has this way of thinking hurts us because we are more than what we think. And sometimes he says, our thinking has hijacked who we are and who we are, goes deeper than that.

That blew my mind. We, I, I, and you've heard, I mean, I've heard, you're not your thoughts, LA LA LA, but when, when he talks about this awareness as being our true selves and that when we think too much, and when we let our minds kind of become this like parasite that's that takes over who we are, that that's a dangerous thing.

And if you can let go of your thinking. That really helps you. I think, tap into that, that worthiness feeling. Right. And only pick up, he, he says you should be able to pick up your, your, your thought processes as a tool and then set them back down.

Kamini: Yes.

Kimber: a thinker is like, wait, you can do that.

really.

Kamini: Well, and it goes, and it goes, it leads into this idea that our thoughts are the things that create the emotions and the feelings, which lead to actions and results. Right? So if we can recognize that our thoughts are not us, our thoughts are just things we'll have thousands of them in the course of a day.

We can actually separate sometimes like the inner critic thoughts. It's like, oh, I'm having the thought that I'm. very smart. Right? We're now, now there's a separation. We're not taking on the identity of the thought much. Like even with feelings, we can say, I am, there's a part of me that's feeling. Now we're not taking on the identity of the feeling.

We're just recognizing that it's a, it's a passing feeling. That's cause emotions are meant to be felt they're meant to be, you know, they're energy and motion. They're bringing us a message. So that's why I say like, there really aren't good and bad feelings are just feelings. We're the ones who create them into good or bad based on the thoughts that we're having.

Kimber: the judgements we have on them. Huh?

Kamini: Right. And so it leans into what he's saying there, which is like, thoughts are. They're there, but we also can set them aside and say, well, let me, I can, I can shift them. I can shift my energy and focus into something else.

Kimber: Are you familiar with the work of Byron Katie?

Kamini: Yes . Mm-hmm

Kimber: I anybody that knows her, gives that kind of response. Right. She's amazing. Cuz cuz she helps you realize that that's all thoughts are right. She turns them on their head. She makes you really shift them. And I, I follow her on Instagram and she had like a little reel that I watched once that I think about all the time.

And she said, other than all the thoughts going around in your head right now that are making you suffer, are you basically okay. Oh, yeah. There's very few situations. When, other than the suffering that our own thoughts are causing us that we're not pretty much. Okay.

Kamini: Mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah. No, that's so true. It's also how I really relate to anxiety and anxiousness too by saying, okay. So if you really boil anxiousness down, it's really just the fear that I'm not gonna be okay. But evidence says that you're okay. Cuz you're here. So all those times when you were totally anxious, it, it kind of goes to the same idea, right.

Where it's like. If we didn't have all those thoughts, are you Okay.

in this moment? Yep. Cuz I'm here. I'm good. mm-hmm

Kimber: Yeah. Yeah. And if we can just get in the habit and I'm sure life coaching and your coaching has a lot to do this, right. Just changing our thought patterns, changing our habits, because if we can get in the habit of thinking to yourself, Other than what my thoughts are telling me. Am I okay? What a, what a healthier thought than just being in the habit of thinking, oh, I'm not good enough.

I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. Just to, to start breaking these patterns.

Kamini: And, and understanding, you know, in being really kind and self compassionate where it's okay, this is where the narrative came from. Like, I do think that part of that is the understanding that comes from the work right, where it's like, okay, I can have compassion for the fact that this was the narrative that I created and it's taking ownership.

Like I've created it through internalization and making certain things mean. Things about myself. Right. And, and it's not to discount and I'm definitely not discounting that people who have gone through emotionally traumatic experiences or physically traumatic experiences, no discount in that at all.

Absolutely not. It's just also looking at what did we take from it when that happened? Did I internalize it to mean that there was something wrong with

Kimber: Hmm.

Kamini: and that's super important as.

Kimber: Yeah. absolutely. Where can people find you if they're interested in finding out more or coaching or like what, how can they connect with you?

Kamini: Well my website is Kamini wood.com, which is where you?

find all things about me as well as my blog. So I try to put out as much information as I can through the blog too. Just free information through different articles and things like that. Also on Facebook and Instagram, both with the handle, it's authentic me.

And then of course, email Kamini, Kamini, wood.com.

Kimber: Perfect. If you have like a big takeaway that you wanna leave with listeners today, what

Kamini: It goes back to what

I was leading to before, which is this concept two concepts, one that life is happening. I, I truly, I always say this life is happening through us and for us, if we can really understand that it's not happening to us. But through us and for us, there's always this opening to say, how can I grow from this?

And the second thing honestly, is we are not meant to be?

carbon copies of each other. We are truly meant to be our own unique person. And when we, when we embrace our own uniqueness, that's when this, the world actually gets to benefit from the ability that we all can bring our own, our own spin on different things in the.

Kimber: Beautiful.

Kamini Wood Profile Photo

Kamini Wood

Professional Coach/CEO

Kamini Wood, certified professional coach, helps people who feel stagnant, trapped or stuck on autopilot break free of limited thinking and hiding from fear of failure so they can have what they want professionally and personally.
She is the creator of AuthenticMe® and CEO of Live Joy Your Way, a coaching company helping individuals shake free of their limiting beliefs and behaviors in order to have healthy relationships and move forward on the professional path they choose.
Kamini herself has gone from a people-pleasing, perfectionist, holding herself back by playing small into someone who recognizes her worth and sees that by embracing it she can create room for others to do the same.
She is a best selling author, holds specialty certifications in various modalities including life, wellness, teen life, conscious uncoupling, calling in the one, new moneystory, breathwork, meditation and diversity, equity inclusion and belonging. She is also trained in conscious parenting and coaching for children.