Imposter! | Lisa Haisha | Episode 33

Imposter! | Lisa Haisha | Episode 33

Join Kimber as she talks  with author, humanitarian,  and life coach Lisa Haisha about her life story and about :


  1. Shedding cultural expectations to find your authentic self
  2. How travel and new experiences can help you find your life purpose
  3. Finding your soul family
  4. How to stop living as an imposter version of yourself and live from your soul-self

Lisa is a life coach, author, transformational speaker, TV host and avid traveler, with an MA in Spiritual Psychology. Her fascination with people has taken her to over 60 countries, where she has worked in everything from boardrooms to yurts helping people Make Shift Happen in their lives. Much of this humanitarian work can be found on her website whispersfromchildrenshearts.org. She is also the Chair(wo)man of Silicon Valley’s Pitch Global L.A. chapter and frequently works with entrepreneurs helping them manifest change.


Follow Kimber on instagram @justbeyourbadself  or join the JBYBS facebook community here for more interaction!


For guest bios, episode transcripts or to leave a review, please visit: www.justbeyourbadself.com


Resources for further study

To fiind out more about Lisa, take the imposter quiz,  or purchase her book, please visit the following link: https://www.soulblazing.com/

Transcript

Lisa Haisha

Kimber:

Today, we'll be talking with Lisa Haitia a life coach, author, transformational speaker, TV, host, and avid traveler. . Lisa's fascination with people has taken her to over 60 countries where she's worked in everything from boardrooms to yurts.

Helping people make shift happen in their lives.

Lisa. Thank you so much for coming on to the, just be your bad self podcast. I am so excited to talk to you today. Can you give our listeners a, just a brief overview of who you are and what you're all about?

Lisa: Well, I am a world traveler. I've been to over 80 countries and I travel to meet my soul family. and I have all these amazing experiences and talk to everyone from bed wins in the mountains of Petra to Sufis in the mountains of Kaia and shamans and Peru Andis and the Maoris of New Zealand. And as well as just traveling and meeting everyday people.

And I'm usually on a mission to meet my soul family, to have an experience. And through that, My whole practice came about?

Cuz then I got so interested in the psychology of people and what makes people tick. And then I went and got a master's in psychology and did a hundred other things along the way.

Kimber: Wow. You're like living my dream life. That sounds

Lisa: Hmm.

Kimber: On. On your website. I noticed kind of your tagline that you've got on there says learn to live from your authentic soul, which of course gets me all buzzy, cuz I'm all about authenticity. What, where did that, where did that come from? What does that mean?

Lisa: I think that came from my travels originally and growing up in a middle Eastern family. where it was. This is who you are. This is your political beliefs. This is who you're gonna marry. This is how you think this is how you feel. This is how you sit. This is how you smile.

This is how you laugh. This is who you hang out with. And it was like, I don't know who I am. At some point it was like, am I.

just, you know, a piece of furniture for my family, and this is how you have to be, and this is how you have to make everyone else comfortable. So.

I think when I started my journey, when I moved out.

Well, the longer story is I was graduating college and Madonna was playing at my school, San Diego state. And this was her very first tour, the Virgin tour, her very First concert. And I went to that. Then I was obsessed. I've gotta meet Madonna because she grew up in a patriarchal family with lots of siblings.

And I found a way to find out where the band was staying. And I went to that hotel. Me and my girlfriend went there and waited, and then we got into the room. We saw them going in the elevator. We just slipped in. Then we started talking to the band and I connected with one of the band members and we stayed in touch for about three months.

And he kept saying, come to this show, come to this show. I'm like, I can't, cuz I'm not allowed to spend the night away from home. And I'm 22. He's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, ah, that's just the way it. So finally at the end of the concert, she's played five days in New York. And I just left a note, sorry, I have to go.

And I just took off and went. So I got to speak to Madonna. I got five days, you know, of her fully in my life. So I. What made you Madonna? What gave you the courage? How did you become you? How are you so self confident in going against what anyone says and why don't you care? What anyone thinks? And the bottom line of what I got from what she said was you have to travel and travel alone.

If you don't know who you are, nothing else in your life will work, cuz it all, stems from being you authentic. Because you have to be yourself, everyone else is taken. This is what I've learned along the way. When you go, oh, I like to, I like that person. I like that person. You try to mold yourself to please them or be like them they're taken and it's not you authentically you're, you're fragmented self and it doesn't matter how many affirmations you say.

All day long staring in the mirror. It won't work because you have to be you first. And once you get to that and you feel that your whole life starts to shift, cuz it's all energy. So if you're thinking in your mind, I'm a fraud, I'm really not this. Or I'm not good enough. Or I'm really just this for me, little Lisa in San Diego, you know, instead of going, oh, I'm a speaker and I'm a life coach.

If that voice isn't subdued. Then nothing will work because that is always louder. And that's how the imposter model came out. You know, I created soul blazing. Book coming out soon. And it's about your seven imposters that live on the stage of your brain, making decisions for you. And after working with thousands of people over the past 15, 20 years, I started recording and saying, oh, this person gets through life being a eductor.

And using that as a manipulation tool, this one's an overthinker, so they never finish things and don't get things done, cuz they're always procrastinating cuz it's never good enough. No, this one's a victim. This one's a, the joke or the overthinker, this one judges everybody. So they don't have to look at themself.

So there's all these D. Voices that come in. So I think the best way to deal with that is to name it. What is that voice that you're hearing? Why does it keep popping up? And that's our wounded inner child. That's our core wound that came, you know, when we were 2, 3, 4, whenever. So once you go, that's that voice and you name it either, the person who's done that to you, who created that.

Or whatever you wanna call it. Oh, that's Mary that's. John that's Sam. Then you could say, oh, Sam's my overthinker. Mary's my judge. And then when you start reacting, when people are talking and you start sabotaging your relationships or your career, your life or not being there for yourself, that's Mary. So you start going, okay, Mary, why are you here?

Why are you doing this? And you pause so you can. Not just react. You could respond in a, any given situation. If you give yourself those few seconds. And one of the tools and exercises I give people is to write it down, write the name of your imposter in your authentic soul, your authentic soul saying, why are you here?

And then the imposter that you've named because of this and that they'll always have an answer. If you just sit there and listen, and then once you start understanding you don't. Tried that person, you treat it like you would a loved one. Sometimes we're worse to ourself than we are to other people. We beat ourselves up and put ourselves down worse than anyone else.

So if you start giving that aspect of you love and understanding where it came from your whole life changes, because now you've built a bond, you've a bridge to all your negativity and your dark side. And when you're dark, And negative. And even if you're really ambitious and you're going out there and you're like going I'm gonna conquer the world and you start conquering the world and making millions.

Everyone's like, wow, you're so great. You're so great. But that does not bring happiness. And that does not bring our world together. That brings more division. What's not honored today is to. Spend time getting to know yourself and being the best you, you can be. They always say it starts with you. Oh, I'm gonna fix the world.

I'm gonna work here. I'm donating here. And, but if you you're broken, you're still breaking the rest of the world. If all of us took the time to be introspective and to be our best self, the whole world would come together and hold hands in a big kumbaya or whatever, because we're all connected when you love yourself.

Feel good about yourself. You project that in your energy shifts, you know, you've met all these cranky people in the world. You've met people who are short tempered or bossy or mean that's cuz they really aren't connected with themselves and they're trying to dominate or they're trying to get someplace.

They're saying, please look at me. I am valuable. I wanna be seen, I wanna be heard instead of I wanna be a blessing in the world and here's my gift. And if we could all come from that point, our whole world would.

Kimber: Yeah,

Lisa: So that's what my work's about. And I've traveled all over, working with everybody. I've worked with bein families and then with five wives and they're 52 children.

And I mean, all two, just single moms. I've worked with orphans. I spent five years in orphanages.

Kimber: of all, it's such a fascinating origin story. How cool to have Madonna as part of your kind of origin story in the work you're doing. I really wanna, I really wanna talk about, you talked about growing up in a middle Eastern family in kind of a patriarchal system. This is gonna really speak to my listeners because a lot of my listeners, not all of them, but a lot of them grew up in the Mormon or the LDS church, which is also a very conservative kind of patriarchal.

System we're, we're taught to be very people pleasing. This is the right way to do things. A lot of what you were talking about, I could really relate with as having grown up in, in a system like that. How do you view patriarchal systems as maybe preventing people from finding their.

Authentic purpose or, or authentic selves. I imagine that with all your travels you've, you've got to see a lot of different cultural expectations that people have placed on them. How does that affect people, finding their authentic purpose?

Lisa: How can people shift and step into their authentic self when there's cultural pressure religious pressure to do otherwise?

Okay. One of the things I like to say about that is. We all have pressure.

We all have family and a place in the world that tells us who to be, how to be. And mine was middle Eastern, which we all get is a strong, you know, cultural. Dominance, especially with women where you don't really have power, we're taught to serve in religious paradigm. It's all about Jesus or God and to behave.

And you're bad. If you do everything is you're wrong or you're bad. And you're gonna burn eternally in hell. I've worked with a lot of ex religious people. And they said the biggest reason they left is that they were sick of being wrong or. Feeling like they're gonna go to hell for whatever it is they did and that's not right.

So I think you have to get strong enough again, to get into your authentic soul. And these are baby steps. It's just like the exercise I just gave you. It's to have a talk with that side and say, who are you? What do you want? And if you, we listen to what Madonna said, it's really getting to be alone. And to think about who you are, write down, get to know yourself.

And doing morning pages, journaling, all that helps. So you have to also have to start having difficult conversations with people who don't want you to change, because this is your life. And we all have one life and especially parents sometimes don't want you to change. I'm working with people who wanna be transgender.

I'm working with, you know, LGBTQ and they have such a difficult time with their families going, I'm attached to who you are. And I totally get that. It's, it's a change. It's almost like somebody else's being reborn. But if you're not living your life authentically, who are you being? You have to please yourself first and the big picture.

And I think sometimes maybe you should wait, you know, for, you know, or take your time or when you're 18 really step into who you are. And, but once you're 18, I think you've gotta say, this is my life. How do I carve it out? And your instinct to get appreciation or to get love is so strong because that's why we're here.

But it steals our time and energy. You can't go on your own track of this is who I'm gonna be, because we're all born with like an acorn. And it's like this. Your gift, and this is what you're supposed to give to the world. Our parents, our siblings, our friends, we don't know what each of our gifts are until you go in.

Like I did not know my gift was supposed to go around the world and speak and lead workshops and retreats. I thought I was gonna be an actress, but being an actress taught me improv. It taught me, you know, the who, what, where, and how to be. In the moment. And since memory going in the past, it gave me so many skills and it wasn't right for me because I still wasn't ready to break out and get away from my parents' belief.

That acting as being a whore, acting as being, you know, a prostitute. So I'm like, oh, I'm gonna destroy all my family and all my relatives. If I do this, if I do three seconds of nudity or a wet t-shirt, or if I kiss someone on screen, anything was wrong. So I quit that. And. It led to me going to Iraq to find my roots and then going to an orphanage there.

Because when I was 16, my dad said, I'm sending you to an orphanage when he got mad at me and I thought what's an orphanage. And in that moment, something changed in my life and it stayed with me. And when I landed in this orphanage in Iraq, I went, this is where he was gonna put me. And it was a Christian, my dad's Christian Iraq.

So. It led me on a five year journey to 15 orphanages interviewing these kids to give them a voice. Cuz one of the biggest things they were saying is nobody cares about us. Why are you bombing us? Why isn't any country helping us? We have nobody. And I said, I'm gonna give you a voice. I'm gonna memorialize your words.

And I didn't know how to do that. So as I was traveling, I said, let me go to an orphanage at each country I go in and that's what I did. And I wrote a book called whispers from children's hearts. Talking about their journeys and each one of them wanted to be themselves. And it's like a community thing.

Again, you're not allowed to do this. You're not allowed to do that. They were squashed. And when the human spirit is not allowed to express itself, that is like the worst cage you could be in. As Maya Angelo says, you know, you're a caged bird and you shouldn't die with your song still in you. And you cannot. Release your song. If you're too busy, pleasing all these people who really don't care about you, a lot of your family may care about your, your parents, but if they're putting you in a cage and not letting you express yourself, that's not love either that is controlling. And that is saying, you have to be like me, or, or I'm not gonna accept you.

And it's very hard. I'm not saying it's an easy thing, but some at some point. Everyone needs to allow everyone to be whoever they are. And I have that with. acting and friends and this community, it's like, you've gotta do this to make it. You gotta do that. And you gotta network every day. You, you don't have to do anything.

You have to be authentic to you. Maybe the way you make it. Like Sandra Bullock was a neighbor who lived across the street from me and she had. Reading a play reading every Friday night and every day she gave headshots to a casting director or producer, but two people a day, she walked in and gave it before speed before she made it.

And you know, that was commitment. She wasn't out networking, going to parties every night. And so there's so many different ways to skin a fish skin, a cat. So you gotta just do that. So. We all have to realize who you are is not gonna fit into everybody. Everyone is not gonna like you. Everyone's not a match. That's why in life. When you find out who your best friends are, like, I have about a core of about eight or 10 friends that I've had got at least 25, 30 years. And when you have that match and you value that match because.

You know how rare it is. We have lots of friends, but they come and go. They're not you know, solid or life friends, and they don't have to be. Some people are just meant there for a season. They're meant there while you're working on a show or you're working in an office or, or you've met them for some reason, even for a day to change your life.

So once you find your tribe, you have to value your tribe. And once you stop. Trying to please all the other people in your life that don't really have your back or want you to be your best self. It's gonna be quiet for a moment, or you might feel like, oh, I feel lonely and everything, but at the end of the day, you're gonna have more room to create and reinvent you and have more time for those who get you and actually love you and support who you're being in the world.

And that's where the juice. And then we get so caught up in trying to save other people, you know, oh, but this person needs me. So I have to keep in touch with them. Or if I do this, it's gonna hurt them. And, but we're not responsible for anyone else. And we have to understand that. And we don't have to convince anyone.

Kimber: Right. Right. So when we first started talking, you talked a lot about finding, traveling and finding your soul family. A, a lot of my listener base a. Hasn't moved around a lot. Maybe doesn't travel a lot. A lot are our moms with kids and kind of entrenched in family life.

What are some ways other than travel that people can kind of expand their minds, find a sense of purpose and find this soul family that you're talking about.

Lisa: So you could find your soul family at Starbucks at a grocery store at a meet up. It's when you're open to miracles, because so many times we're closed. When people say, oh, your life just happens or you happen to meet the right people along the way that helped your career. It's not that it's that at an early age.

I went to the cliff and jumped, and I said, I don't care where I land, but it's too painful to not be me. It's too painful to be controlled by family and to not express myself the way I need to. And I literally was okay if I died and eye. And that's what took me to Iraq when they were bombing. I said, I gotta find out what this middle Eastern thing is, why that's so entrenched in my DNA.

And I've. Conquer that, and I didn't have money and I just took whatever I had and went there. And my intent was to get kidnapped or something. to write a book then, cuz I thought I was a soul blazer. You know, I really connected with so many people that I thought I could. Escape, whatever they would normally do to someone and I, we could co-create together and then I could create another life being Christian, a poor who's, a war reporter or something.

So it's just opening yourself up. So when you open yourself up to whatever happens and I'm gonna meet the right person and the world is in my favor, the universe is, has my back. Just so many opportunities open for you. You could, the universe is always talking to us. We're always getting messages, but if you don't have your antenna up, you're not gonna hear those messages.

Just like now with internet, if it's, if it's down, you can't get it, but if it's up, we could speak to each other clearly. We're being talked to all the time. Like Neil, Donald Walsh wrote his book. He said the whole thing was transcribed to him. You know, he was just writing it down. It was downloaded and he transcribed and it's, and that's there and available for all of us.

I sit in nature. I walk barefoot on grass. I hug trees and I just universe talked to me. What is this day supposed to be? Like? How, how does it unfold? I would offer to start a morning routine where you wake up and do like five things every morning. And those five things could take you five minutes or they could take you an hour, depending on how much time you have and get up on the different side of the bed.

Get up at a different time, give yourself an hour, even if you're tired, that hour is going do wonders for you. If you meditate, if you write down your declarations, I have 15 declarations of who I am. I write them down every morning and I listen to them. I recorded them and listened to them. And that's why I start my day.

This is who I am. And when you are strong in who you are, you create your day. So.

I would set an intention. I am meeting my sole family today. I will meet one more member of that soul family. There's meetup groups, there's art classes. There are writing classes. There's. Anything you want there's debate groups, there's political groups.

There's so many ways you could connect online. There's Facebook groups left and right. There's thousands of them, maybe millions at this point. There's zoom groups. There there's no excuse. You could meet someone online or in person you could go to the park, you could join, play tennis. You could. Do anything swimming.

So you will meet the people you're supposed to meet. If you are authentically you, if you're not, you, you cannot meet those people because they're not gonna be attracted to you and you're not gonna be attracted to them because you don't even know that they're there to serve you. Because you're not open to meeting your sole family.

Even if you say the words, I wanna meet them and I wanna change my life. You cannot change your life. If you don't change you first. And it's all mindset manifesting is today is a brand new day. Today is the most important moment of your life right now. What are you doing in this moment to change? And if you don't change your behavior, if you go, oh, I'll do that tomorrow.

Or I'll do that an hour. In an hour, it's never gonna happen. You have to

Kimber: You've had a lot of experiences. You've traveled a lot. You've taught a lot of things. What would you say are some of the most important lessons you've learned through your own journey and experiences that you can impart to our listeners today?

Lisa: I've learned so many lessons that are so important and I could go on and on about them, but that I'll maybe give you three top. I learned if you're not you, you will be a hodgepodge of all the people you really don't care about because usually you're not you because you're trying to people please. And you're trying to people, please, the people who really don't care about you.

Because the people who care about you are in your corner. It's always, when you're talking about someone, including myself, when I'm like, oh, this person's so frustrating. It's someone I really don't connect to, but their family or their, a colleague, they're somebody that I have to deal with. And if you slowly start letting that go, looking at them as a sole teacher, So you're going, oh, what lesson do I need to learn today?

And once you change and change your vibration, they don't come at you the same way anymore. You will stop being attacked, or you will stop feeling such a huge divide with them because you could find the commonality and start to connect at a deeper level. So the things I learned is to really. Step into your power and know who you are to treat people as if they're your sole teacher.

If you don't get along with them and you're, you need to still be around them for whatever reason, and don't get attached to their behavior, because remember, if they're being mean to you or they're being ugly or bossy or controlling, whatever it is. Then that is their journey. They don't love themself and you can't fix them.

So what you have to do is fix you where their behavior does not affect you. And a third thing I would say is if you don't have a routine of self care, you're never gonna amount to much. And again, if you do, you're gonna be a very angry, unhappy millionaire or whatever, because. Self care is important. If you're, you're not loving on you or getting enough sleep, eating enough nutrition, talking with people who actually love you, expressing yourself artistically creatively in whatever way that is.

It could be cooking. It could be organizing your home. It could be. You know, gardening, whatever it is, you have to feed your soul every day. If you don't meditate and just take that time of silence and just today's a new day and visualize what you have going on. Look at your calendar. Like I looked at the calendar day.

I know I'm speaking to you. I'm speaking to this person. I'm speaking to them. I have three podcasts. I have a meeting. With my editor for my next book, I've got, you know, construction people coming. So I went through each one of those. How do I want each of these to turn out? And am I prepared? If not, I woke up early enough to prepare.

So it's all about boundaries. Who are you giving your time to? Don't give your time to people who don't appreciate you, just because you're trying to get them to love you, or please you. If you're in a relationship that's toxic, but you're going, oh, I could change them. Or you keep making excuses for them. That's not gonna work either. There's an exercise of write your biography and five chapters and most people will. Oh, my God, this happened when I was 12 and this happened when I was 15 and you know, all these things, but really it's about Groundhog day. It's about your I wanna read this to you because it's really funny.

This is what someone wrote. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I'm lost, I'm helpless, but it isn't my fault. And it takes forever to get out. Chapter two. I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place, but it's not my fault.

It takes a long time to get out. Chapter three, I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in because it's a habit I am at fault. But I know where I am. I get out immediately. Chapter four, I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole on the sidewalk. I walk around it chapter five.

Finally, I walk down another street. And when you say, how do I meet my soul family? Or what are lessons you learned? I learned about walking down another. I am not going to continue to walk down the same street. It's like this door closed or these people aren't into, they're not a perfect match, even if. I'm trying to get a book turned into a feature film right now. If someone says, oh, I don't know. I don't really get this. They're not the right person.

There's so many, there's thousands of production companies. I want someone to go, oh my God, I love traveling. I love this. I love that. And then tho that's my tribe. Not someone who's doing something completely different. It's not, you know, where you're supposed to be. And we keep trying to fit in where we're not supposed to be.

And it goes back to, I don't wanna join any club that would have me. And that is because you're not connected. You're not living from your authentic self you're living from an imposter. And once we combine the imposter with your authentic soul, that's when the miracles happen because there's, there's not an internal fight anymore.

You're just stepping out into the world. This is who I am. And people respect you for that. And people will see you for that. Your vibration will change. And once your vibration changes, you start meeting people at your same vibration and things start manifesting, and that's how you manifest.

Kimber: Can we talk a little bit more about the imposters that you write about in your book? Where do they come from? What are their labels and how do we. Deal with them. I think I saw something where you said, turn your, turn your saboteurs into your superpowers. How do we do that?

Lisa: Well, each imposter has strengths and weaknesses. Each imposter. Like a fixer imposter where you're trying to fix everybody and let me be there for you. Let me help you move. Let me help you cook. Let me help you at your party. Let me help you Write your book.

where they're always giving. And I go, God, I'm always giving.

I don't have time to do my stuff. The superpower of that is you're probably a good listener. You're a good friend. You're probably a great counselor. You're always there to help people and talk them through or a situation or awful ledge, whatever it is. So if you focus on those, oh, I'm a helpful person and say, when do I wanna serve?

And when do I not? so it's a saboteur when it's taking time from your own mission and you're not giving to you because secretly you're afraid to step into your power. So you use that as an excuse, but if you stop using it as an excuse and the superpower would be, wow, I'm a really great friend and people could talk to me and I'm a great listener and I know how to get things done.

You know, if you give me a task, I'll be a great assistant for you for a day or for three hours, if you need help. So you're a really good person and a good friend, but when you make it muddy and oh, look what I'm doing for other people, I did this for her. I'm getting taken advantage of, or, you know, God, I didn't get my stuff done now.

I agreed to this, but I don't wanna follow through. Then that gets it's your saboteur. Then you start becoming victimy and. So if you name that imposter, like I said earlier in this podcast and say, oh, where does that come from? And take a minute before you say yes and say, let me get back to you and think about it.

Is this something I wanna do on Thursday from one to five? Or do I wanna work on my project or do I wanna just do nothing or do I, whatever, wanna do something else? Be with another friend? And if the answer is a hell yes, then do it. Otherwise it's a no, if it's a, yeah, I think I could do it. It's a. It has to be a hell.

Yes, this is what I wanna do, and I'm gonna make it happen. And I'm thrilled to be able to help my friend. Then you're in your superpower cuz you go there. You're lit up. You're feeling good about your choice and you're not feeling taken advantage of.

Kimber: So are these imposters, is that the main thing that this your new book is about? Or is it about more than, than that?

Lisa: Well, the book is about how to step into your power, how to manifest, how to change your vibration. It's really about being successful. Mind, body, heart, and soul. And there's so many. Different ways to get there. But I found so many of 'em are so difficult cuz they're so complicated and they're so people don't get it.

This, I broke down into sound bites. They're like three foot tosses. I say , you know, when you're trying to do like the horseshoe and you're standing way far back and trying to it's impossible. Stand closer. Here's here's your ego. I broke it down

into the fixer, the victim, the eductor, the ego to the joker, the overthinker and the judge.

So which one are you just fix that slice? You don't have to fix your whole life right now. Where are you judging yourself? Where are you judging others? how is that manifesting in.

your life? How is that holding you back? If that's your main thing of God, this person's this and this person's that they're not good enough.

Right? My boss sucks. Or, you know, I hate my job it's they make me do this and that you're judging, judging, judging, judging my boyfriend's this my girlfriend's, this my siblings. It's like stop judging because every time you judge someone you're judging yourself. If you weren't judging yourself, you wouldn't Have criticism to judge other people cuz you really wouldn't care.

You'd say, oh, isn't that special. Look at that person judging and look at that person yelling at me and telling me how wrong I am said. you could just say thank you for sharing, you know, and walk away. Not engage. And not take it in because it's not you. It is them. And it's only you, if you didn't come prepared and you are being flaky and all that stuff, then own it.

Say, I'm sorry, that's who I am today. I'm not gonna be that person tomorrow. I learned my lesson check.

So all these imposters have that.

Kimber: Yeah. Have you heard of Jeffrey Marsh? He's a non-binary influencer public speaker. Sorry. They are a non-binary influencer and public speaker and they are such a good example

of exactly what you're talking about. So many people throw judgements at them and they're able to just. Hold space for all of it.

And it's not, it doesn't become a judgment on

Lisa: Yeah.

Kimber: think this journey of authenticity that both you and I care so much about. It

Lisa: about

Kimber: lot to do with breaking free of this binary black and white world. We live in, right. We're told from a very young age, this is, this is good. This is bad. This is the way you have to be, or you are bad. And so. Yeah.

Even if we don't identify as a non-binary person with our gender, there's a lot of ways that we have to come out as, as I guess non-binary in our ways of thinking or who we are that we aren't going to accept the labels that our, our family or our society or the patriarchy, or whoever has placed on us.

And, and we're willing to kind of break that binary.

Lisa: by? Oh,

Kimber: I think non-binary people set a really good example of, of that path to authenticity.

Lisa: conscious mind with our subconscious mind and. You know, that's where our impostors live up there. And it's about becoming awake and aware. And once you start saying, when you do these exercises, I'm talking about of having your authentic soul talk to the various parts of your personality, it's kind of like schizophrenia, these impostors.

It's like all these different aspects of you that came out, oh, I'm a victim now, this and that. Oh, so now I'm gonna go be a judge because I feel victimized and now I'm gonna, you know, do this and that. So once you. Align that and get clear. And then you say I'm stepping into my power. I'm being authentically me.

There's power in that. And when you're powerful, sometimes that is scary to other people because they're not powerful. And they're like, wait, Why are.

you going there now? I feel left behind. Or why Are.

you so confident being you. You, you can't be that that's not right. You're not allowed to make that choice.

It's like you are allowed to make that choice. You could be whoever you wanna be. So we all have one life and we don't know what anyone's journey is. And I'm not saying it's easy. It's very hard on people around you even. I was working with a client who wanted to move to New York from Utah and the parents flipped out, cuz going to New York is gonna change their child completely.

And they're gonna turn blue. And New York is all about crime and it's all about, you know, everyone, you know, orgies and you know, the crazy people. And so, I mean, that's super hard, but the parents have to let go and the kid has to go on their journey. And so I'm talking with the parents and the, the daughter and, and then she, and again, she's 23.

It's like, she's old enough and it's, she saved up her money and they're like, no, no, you can't go. So I'm working them through this. Why are you so scared? Well, cuz they don't want her to get hurt. They don't want her to be taken advantage of. And new York's expensive and New York has all these issues that Utah doesn't have.

And they're just a phone call away in 10 minute drive away. When they're in Utah, but if they're in New York, it's Like.

they lost control. So teaching that life is a journey and you're never gonna get out unscathed. And that's the same with the LGBTQ community. The parents that I talk to are afraid that their kids are gonna get teased and it's harder life.

And it's just more challenging on several ways, you know, mentally and emotionally, and they have to go through so much more. So the parents are saying, I don't want that for my child. Of course, cuz everyone wants the best thing for their, their kid. And same with grades. My kid's not getting straight A's and they're mad at their kid for not getting straight A's and it's like, maybe that's not their journey.

I certainly didn't get straight A's and I'm okay today. They say, see students are the most successful students cuz they develop their personalities and their social skills and, and the study and they kind of combine them all. Instead of just study, study, study study, let me be a pianist and a, a student and I'm gonna be on the volleyball team, you know, just to be the best at everything.

Then you Start

cutting out other aspects of yourself. So again, we don't know. So if you're you have the C student work.

around it and say, how can we get, what do you wanna do? Or what's your favorites? Just get an a in something or just, you know, get, get more A's and B's than C's maybe two or three. C's not all CS, something, but compromise.

Don't make it black and white of all A's are, you're a loser and you're dumb. And, and that's, what's being told to some of these kids, especially in the pandemic, anxiety is so high right now that. Kids are not doing as well as they can. My daughter's in eighth grade going into ninth and I'm applying to all these high schools in LA and New York.

It's very different from other places. It's just like applying to college. So applying to eight schools, and I'm talking to all these different counselors at these schools and they said all the kids grades have dropped because of anxiety. And it's very different that they canceled entry tests or SATs and all that because they said kids just can't sit and do them.

So, again, it can't be black and white. This is how we always do it. We always do entrance tests. We always do. So they stopped and I love that. It's like, okay, it's not black and white anymore. It's like,

let's be fluid. Let's figure things out.

Kimber: yeah, it's not about fitting people into the system. It's about molding the system around people, right?

Lisa: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's really about everyone. Just be you focus on being the best you can be and supporting everyone else who wants to be the best they can be. And don't be so afraid. Our world is crazy. Look, what's happening right?

now with Russia and the Ukraine. I mean, everything is so unpredictable.

We may be dead tomorrow. We may be dead in an hour. Just live your life. and what do you wanna leave? What do you want your legacy to be start backwards and say, how do I.

get there? What steps do I wanna take? Is it just to be a great friend or a great parent, or is it just a, I wanna be, I have a book out and I wanna put this message out.

Is it I wanna build homes and make these beautiful spaces for people to live in or is it, I just wanna. Work at, you know, Kmart or whatever at a store and just make enough money to just meet people as a hobby and live humbly. I don't need that. And it's just then that's your truth. So what, maybe in your past life, you were a princess or a prince, or you had 20 kids and you don't want that.

You know, a lot of people don't want kids and there's so much judgment on that. Some of my clients are that I'm being so pressured to have kids. Am I missing the boat? No, you're not missing the boat. Kids are not the secret to happiness, unless you want kids. And that's your calling. If you don't want kids, you're gonna be a burden on someone.

You're not gonna be the best parent. And you're gonna have this kid. That's gonna have all these issues later in life. So Don't force. yourself to be a parent. If you're not ready. And if you are.

do it, you know, and don't judge other people who aren't, oh, they're missing out, poor them. It's not poor them. We all have a journey.

Ah,

Kimber: Ah, I'm resonating with everything you're throwing at me. Such good stuff you have. So you offer a lot of things. You've got a series with, on YouTube with master teachers like Byron, Katie, and other Amazing amazing people that you've worked with. You're releasing a book. You host retreats, you life coach.

If, if people listening to you are really resonating, like I am with what you're talking about today, where where's the best place for them to start learning more from you.

Lisa: more, go to my website, soul blazing.com.

And maybe you could put that up for them. So U L B L a Z I N g.com and take the imposter. Once you take the imposter quiz, you'll know who your dominant imposter is, then buy the book. And then once you.

learn about it through the book, there's A webinar that I made very reasonably priced, which is 10 minutes on each imposter.

And then there's a couple meditations there and I have wonderful exercises and tools. There's 10 there to help you get to a place where you can really start stepping into who you are. And then I offer a zoom family. So you can join a zoom, which is also cost.

effective. If you don't have a lot of money.

And then I offer privates. And then VI I P events where I'm working with different teachers like Deepak Chopra's and whatever at a, you know, doing a four day retreat, something that's more high end. So there's a journey that you can take. And once you do the other stuff, you may have a lot of money to join the other high end stuff.

. So there's so many ways you can do it. You could just do a meditation walking around the block. You could set the intention, you wanna meet your sole family once you set it and then start saying, wake up in the morning. Oh, I wanna meet it. One member of my soul family. Then it starts to resonate when someone walks in room and you're going to go, oh, I feel a connection to that person.

Maybe that's it. And you're open to engage in a conversation. Sitting next to someone at a Starbucks, or if you're a cashier at a store, a customer that comes in an Uber. I met three Uber drivers that became besties. One worked for me and two others. One became my personal driver and one became like a good friend.

Kimber: So, man, that's amazing. I'm gonna link. I'm gonna link to your book and your website in the show notes. If you have one overarching big picture takeaway for our listeners today, what, what is that?

Lisa: do you have one older team be you, everyone else is taken, then you can Make

shift happen. And that's the only way. And through this soul blazing work, you will become you. It's all about becoming authentically yourself. So. And it's easy and it's fun.

Kimber: awesome. Okay.

 

Lisa Haisha Profile Photo

Lisa Haisha

Life Coach

Lisa is a life coach, author, transformational speaker, TV host and avid traveler, with an MA in Spiritual Psychology. Her fascination with people has taken me to over 60 countries, where she has worked in everything from boardrooms to yurts helping people Make Shift Happen in their lives. Much of this humanitarian work can be found on her website whispersfromchildrenshearts.org. She is also the Chair(wo)man of Silicon Valley’s Pitch Global L.A. chapter and frequently works with entrepreneurs helping them manifest change.